i have a question for you:

recommended music:
tv on the radio - hours
thom yorke - the drunkk machine

review: snakes on a plane

snakes on a plane - 9.5/10

synopsis: snakes on a plane

now, i'd be perfectly willing to admit that snakes on a plane was an overhyped piece of trash, were that the case. in reality, snakes on a plane is an overhyped piece of pure MAJESTY.

now, maybe movie lacks a few of the characteristics that would fall under the traditional definition of what makes a movie 'less than horrible.' the actual human villain appears for about a minute and a half in the beginning of the film. sure, we never really know who he is in any capacity, other than a bad bad vaguely asian man. his attempt to rationalize attacking a plane-load of people with poisonous snakes amounts to basically a shrug. no attempt at all is made to explain how the snakes manage to roam around the plane at will.

there is absolutely no character development on any level whatsoever, and every character's background could be summed up in a sentence... or less. characters are clearly set up to draw pity and sadness upon being mercilessly savaged by exotic poisonous snakes, or tailored to make their horrible horrible death seem like well-deserved karma at work. it's a one-dimensional extravaganza.

the acting is definitely really, really bad, and the movie as a whole is just full of some of the most implausible shit i've ever seen. there is no real ending to speak of... come to think of it, there's isn't much of a beginning either.

now, with that under our belt, this is perhaps the greatest movie in the history of time.

you see, the characters in this movie rally around samuel l. jackson in order to battle (with such weapons as a makeshift flamethrower, a stick with a broken bottle taped to it, a spear gun, a stun gun, a real gun, an axe, a tray table, martial arts, a pet dog, a microwave oven, etc. etc.) a seemingly infinite wave of murderous poisonous snakes of all kinds that are biting passengers in all sorts of fun and interesting places (eye, tongue, exposed breast, unexposed breast, peepee, etc. etc.). there is copious unnecessary gore and voilence. there is unnecessary nudity and drug use; in the same scene. but most importantly, and i can't stress this enough, there is samuel l. jackson climbing over the rows of a passenger plane fighting poisonous snakes. any of the movie's shortcomings are instantly neutralized.

also neutralized is any disgust i might have over the desperate appeal to the sentiments of society that i would normally find an insult to my intelligence. this movie is crude, profane, and generally reduces every facet of humanity down to one stereotype or another. but then samuel l. jackson climbs through the inner-workings of an airplane fending off poisonous snakes with a broken bottle at the end of a stick, and all is forgiven.

for all of the ridiculous, over-the-top, and fanatical hype surrounding this movie, it delivers exactly what is expected of it. no more. no less.

just make sure you go see it in a crowded theater full of college students (hopefully tipsy), and i absolutely guarantee you that it will be worth your time and money. without other like-minds to laugh and cheer along with you, it would probably become glaringly obvious that this movie is terrible.

all bets are off. except on weekdays.

the file cabinet project is no more.
here are the last surviving choice employee names, although i find the first selection to be of higher quality.

howard hughes [bring him his bobo]
trif lon
karla klumpp
billy ray love [yes, the billy ray love]
ronald mcdonald [must be from back when mcdonald's didn't hire pedophile clowns]
egon johansson
fritz johansson
leroy jenkins [LLEEEEEERRROOOOYYYYY JJJJEEEENNNKIIIINNNSS]
see chong park [if he's out of prison and sober]
rufus daniel sagmeister [unfortunate]
harry smallwood [unfortunater]
barzilla e. young [i hope the e. stands for 'eats']
booker t. washington [let's end on a respectful note]

maybe i can find some other humorous aspects of working in a cubicle, other than just the hilarious irony and indignity of the situation in general.
morale is low.
odds are slim.
what do i do?

recommended music:
tv on the radio - playhouses
radiohead - fog